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13 October 2026

Sometimes a single word can make a difficult situation worse.

It is the word always.

“You always misunderstand me.”
“You never listen.”
“You always do this.”

Once those words enter a conversation, the original problem often disappears. The other person begins searching for exceptions, defending old decisions and remembering occasions when the accusation was unfair. Before long, two people who might have solved a small problem are arguing about the entire history of their relationship.

I have seen how easily this happens. A disagreement that could have ended in a few minutes becomes a wound that takes days to heal.

There is a simple alternative. Describe what happened today, rather than passing judgement on someone’s entire character.

Instead of saying, “You never listen to me,” try saying, “I felt hurt when I couldn’t finish what I was saying.”

The second sentence does not guarantee agreement, but it gives the other person something specific to understand. It leaves room for an explanation, an apology or even a difference of opinion.

This is not about choosing polite words to hide what we really feel. Some things need to be said firmly. But firmness and accusation are not the same thing.

As we grow older, we learn that winning an argument does not necessarily mean we have protected a relationship. Sometimes we prove our point and lose the willingness of another person to hear us again.

The next time anger tempts you to use always or never, pause for a moment. Ask yourself whether you are trying to solve the problem or simply make the other person feel the weight of your frustration.

A conversation cannot always end in agreement.

It can, however, end without leaving a fresh injury behind.

Rajat Chandra Sarmah, Guwahati, Assam, India, Instagram @rajatchandrasarmah, YouTube: conversewithasmile, email rajatchandrasarmah@gmail.com